Don’t you Wish you Could Write Stuff Like This, and Call it “News?”

From the unitnetionally funny buffoons at the Korean Central News Agency:

The military gangsters who masterminded the hideous provocations are going reckless, describing the DPRK's just sacred war as a "smear" and "protest campaign."

This resulted in reinforcing the resolution of the army and people of the DPRK to take revenge upon the enemies in order to protect the dignity of its supreme leadership.

It is the irresistible mind-set of the people and the requirement of history to clear this land of those arch criminals as early as possible.

The group of traitors has no way out.

What this dirty group prattled is nothing but a fit in despair and bluffing of the doomed.

The group of traitors fated to face a stern judgment of history for its monstrous crimes against ethics and the nation is the primary targets of our precision strikes.

Remember, this the kind of stuff they DON’T call incitement:

A final showdown is about to take place.
The Korean-style sacred war will make a clean sweep of the above-said traitors and help the nation settle its pent-up grudge without fail.

They’re officially atheists, but call their wars sacred.

Got it. Elsewhere in their “New Year’s Address”, we find another fabulous bit of comic self-flattery:

Last year significant achievements were made in the great upsurge for improving the people's standard of living, and solid foundations laid for building the country into an economic giant in the 21st century.

This said while quietly knowing that this is only possible after the regime collapses, of course.